Friday, 15 March 2013

You deserve better

Girl meets boy. Girl is besotted by boy. Boy proposes to girl. Girl asks boy to meet parents or otherwise show some form of commitment. Boy makes excuse. Girl patiently waits. Boy makes more excuses. Boy strings girls along. Girl cries herself to sleep every night. Boy eventually ends 'engagement' by marrying someone his family picked, being secretly married all along, or just by ignoring all contact from her. Girl is left in pieces, having lost her self respect and a fair bit of iman in the process.

I often meet girls who tell me they are Muslim, I ask them how they came to be Muslim 'Oh my boyfriend is Muslim' "your what is what?" I ask. They are girls who either in real life or online have met a man and come under their charms. Now some of these girls are fly by night Muslims and when the man leaves, they leave Islam.

But some are not. They are women who truly believe and worship Allah. They say their prayers, they read the Quran, they wear hijab and they they want only to complete half their deen. And then they meet Ali who promises them marriage, but she must have sabr and just wait until his parents approve/he finishes his degree/he saves money. But in the meantime he sends her letters of loves, she talks to him on skype any moment she can and he asks her to send him pictures of her. But she never meets his family, is allowed to call him on his home phone and feels ashamed to tell people about the nature of their relationship.

If a man really loves you though he will never be ashamed of you, he will tell his family and he will contact you through your wali and not ask for photos of you or even worse........

Don't you deserve a husband who will tell the world that he is proud of be marrying you instead of treating you like a shameful secret to be hidden away.

A man who does this to a woman, is one of the worst types. Who don't want him. You want a man who will treat you as you are. Special and unique and above all to be treasured.

Without getting into too many details a similar thing happened to me. The man promised to marry me but kept making excuses and in the end I found out he was nothing the man he said he was. In fact he was already married! He claimed to me that they were Islamically divorced but they were still living together and going on holidays.Yeah that sounded plausible....There was a reason I was a secret and although I wanted to believe I was special the second it ended he was online looking for another convert to prey on. I pray for this sister and that Allah guides her like he guided me. Of course you know now that I am now married to a man who tells the world that I am his wife, he didn't make excuses and as soon as we agreed to marry, we did within days. Alhamdulillah.

Maybe you feel he loves you and you wont find someone who knows or understands you like he does.

You will.

But this time you will find something better


  1. Maashaa Allah, it takes experience to gain wisdom. May Allah increase you in it - ameen.

    I came to a stage in my life while I was living in Bahrain and earning lots of money, where I was feeling unfulfilled Islamically, emotionally, and mentally. I actually said those exact words to myself, regarding my life and prospective husbands that kept turning up - "You deserve better." I said them over and over again, and I realized that I deserved what I got... so I took the firm steps towards Allah that brought about "better."

    You know when Allah says He will not change the condition of a people until they change themselves? It is so true. I quit the job, sold the "stuff," left the country, and gave up the "successful" husband prospect. Within two hours, Allah sent me my husband maashaa Allah. Talk about a quick response, wa al hamdul'Illah!

  2. What a beautiful and inspiring story Mai. Alhamdulillah!

    I agree that until you let go of what is good then you cannot have an open hand (or heart) for the truly wonderful that Allah swt wants to bless us with.

  3. yes so true subhan'Allah! Every woman deserves to be showed off! not hidden! authobillah..

  4. It happens in every country, in every religion, and in every culture - men taking advantage of women. It is very sad; especially when the man claims his love and adoration of our Creator. He is such a fake!

    I am thankful that good men and women who respect each other are still plentiful.

  5. Hi Bonnie, I hope you don't mind me answering your comment on my post about "Friends" here on your blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
    I hope and pray that the people around the world will progress to being more accepting of others and to not feel superior in relation to others. Our Heavenly Father does not make mistakes. He is the ultimate Judge. I should stop preaching. :)

    Anyway, best wishes to you in finding a good friend or two who is nearby and who you have much in common with, if you don't already have them. Until then, keep writing on your blog and sharing with those of us out here in blogland, people who are interested in your life and who wish you peace and happiness.

    EnJoy your new dog when you get it!

  6. Oh, when you comment on a blog, it comes into the reader's inbox as "no-reply." If you want to receive personal responses in your email inbox, add an email address to your "profile" under "Identity." Just food for thought. :)