The life and loves of a New Zealand convert in Africa
Friday, 15 March 2013
You deserve better
Girl meets boy. Girl is besotted by boy. Boy proposes to girl. Girl asks boy to meet parents or otherwise show some form of commitment. Boy makes excuse. Girl patiently waits. Boy makes more excuses. Boy strings girls along. Girl cries herself to sleep every night. Boy eventually ends 'engagement' by marrying someone his family picked, being secretly married all along, or just by ignoring all contact from her. Girl is left in pieces, having lost her self respect and a fair bit of iman in the process.
I often meet girls who tell me they are Muslim, I ask them how they came to be Muslim 'Oh my boyfriend is Muslim' "your what is what?" I ask. They are girls who either in real life or online have met a man and come under their charms. Now some of these girls are fly by night Muslims and when the man leaves, they leave Islam.
But some are not. They are women who truly believe and worship Allah. They say their prayers, they read the Quran, they wear hijab and they they want only to complete half their deen. And then they meet Ali who promises them marriage, but she must have sabr and just wait until his parents approve/he finishes his degree/he saves money. But in the meantime he sends her letters of loves, she talks to him on skype any moment she can and he asks her to send him pictures of her. But she never meets his family, is allowed to call him on his home phone and feels ashamed to tell people about the nature of their relationship.
If a man really loves you though he will never be ashamed of you, he will tell his family and he will contact you through your wali and not ask for photos of you or even worse........
Don't you deserve a husband who will tell the world that he is proud of be marrying you instead of treating you like a shameful secret to be hidden away.
A man who does this to a woman, is one of the worst types. Who don't want him. You want a man who will treat you as you are. Special and unique and above all to be treasured.
Without getting into too many details a similar thing happened to me. The man promised to marry me but kept making excuses and in the end I found out he was nothing the man he said he was. In fact he was already married! He claimed to me that they were Islamically divorced but they were still living together and going on holidays.Yeah that sounded plausible....There was a reason I was a secret and although I wanted to believe I was special the second it ended he was online looking for another convert to prey on. I pray for this sister and that Allah guides her like he guided me. Of course you know now that I am now married to a man who tells the world that I am his wife, he didn't make excuses and as soon as we agreed to marry, we did within days. Alhamdulillah.
Maybe you feel he loves you and you wont find someone who knows or understands you like he does.
Welcome to my blog! My name is Bonnie and I am a twenty something convert to Islam from New-Zealand but living in South Africa with my Egyptian husband, two kids and kitten crumpet. I see myself as a self proclaimed hippy but without the creepy free love and unshaven legs,I can't sing to save my own life and if I had to choose between oxygen and chocolate it would be a very close call.