The life and loves of a New Zealand convert in Africa
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Reflections on love
I went into a store and saw this today, when I showed it to my husband and told him I was buying it for him to hang over our bed and he got that look on his face that he gets whenever he is exceptionally happy or proud of me. He ended up paying for it anyway so I am not sure who got it for who. Maybe we got it for each other.
I didn't blog that much in 2012. I had a lot to say but did not really want to put every little detail of my life on here for everyone to know, it still irks me to wonder who is reading my blog and my innermost thoughts.
The beginning of 2012 I fell in love. This love consumed me for a better part of the year to the degree that I felt like I didn't need anyone else in my life. I prayed and waited for the moment when I would be his wife. I gave up my own self respect and self worth almost in the quest for our marriage. This man was forever sending me flowers and gifts and he even made a website for me. If someone goes to that much trouble they must surely love you. Right?
Wrong. It was never real. And I should have known better. You know sometimes when you want something SO badly you can force yourself to believe something that it is not. You believe the lies and swallow the poison, believing that it will make you better.
It only leads to your destruction.
So 2012 taught me a lot in this regard. I learnt to never compromise who I am for the sake of someone else. And I learnt that sometimes true love is not actually what you think it is at all.
My husband now doesn't buy me flowers, he certainly doesn't write me love letters or buy me jewelry. He wouldn't ever think of bringing me breakfast in bed or telling me how beautiful I am.
However after working fourteen hours he will drive well out of his way to get me a coke zero because he knows how much I love it (even though he loathes me drinking it) he missed an important work meeting so he could sit next to me at the dentist when I got my teeth cleaned because he knows dentists freak me out, he will get up with pudding no matter how exhausted he is, when I have had an awful day with the kids he will take me to the McDonalds or whatever is open at 10 pm! Buy me french fries and a drink and tell me jokes to make me laugh.
And this is real love.
It is not perfect by any means. We fight and I cry. We disagree on a lot and life is not perfect but it is real.
Alhamdulliah for the bad times too, they help me get over my paralysing fears of being left again. I have big time issues..... But the more we fight almost the more I get it that he is not going anywhere. We are in it for life.
And so for better or worse this really is love.....
Welcome to my blog! My name is Bonnie and I am a twenty something convert to Islam from New-Zealand but living in South Africa with my Egyptian husband, two kids and kitten crumpet. I see myself as a self proclaimed hippy but without the creepy free love and unshaven legs,I can't sing to save my own life and if I had to choose between oxygen and chocolate it would be a very close call.